Rather Than

I have drowned in foolishness rather than consumed in his wisdom;
lusted after the world rather than seeing it through his eyes; 

chased vanity rather than pursue purpose; 

stood in pride rather than falling at his feet; 

fought in my own effort rather than resting in his strength; 

seeking sense rather than grazing in his sovereignty; 

I have pointed outwardly rather than transforming inwardly;  

coveted success rather than finding life in his sacrifice; 

deceived myself in love rather than loving unconditionally; 

executed logic rather than leaping in faith; 

I have disguised failure rather than facing fear; 

I have performed for praise rather than dancing in his grace; 

I have been led by darkness rather than guided by light; 

taken a bite from the lies rather than feasting in his truth; 

I have showered in regret rather than forgiving in my transgressions; 

traveled the lonely road rather than soaring in his love; 

I have awaken in the dark rather than resting in his light; 

dove into defeat rather than running the race marked out;  

I have claimed what is not mine rather than giving to those who do not have; 

I have enforced my desires rather than seeking his will; 

I have numbed out the pain rather than healing by his touch; 

I have spoken death rather than breathing life into the broken; 

I have blurred my vision rather than seeing through the heart; 

I have accepted revenge rather than releasing burden; 

I have stumbled in my own expectations rather than steering in his dream; 

I have sunk in suffering rather than lifted in his yolk; 

I have sculpted my own destiny rather than arriving to divine appointments; 

I have hardened my heart rather than nourished life's fragility; 

and I have turned on my word rather than turning to his.